How do you choose?

There are so many things in my life I feel that I should do. 

I should ...

• Not eat gluten
• Exercise more
• Do more grounding exercises
• Do one thing at a time
• Learn to slow down
• And the list goes on ...

It's overwhelming trying to decide what to start with.  I feel like there's nothing I can do, so why should I even start?  It saddens me because I used to be (in fact, I'm sure I am still) a project planner .... I love to make goals and see them through.  But somehow I feel that I can't achieve my own goals.

We go to Rarotonga on Saturday.  I have a week to relax and wind down.  However I am also very aware that I need to finish all my work for my recital, and learn music for the Rossini opera.  I think that is weighing down on me, thinking about all that work.  I am thinking in a black and white way, thinking that because I am not fully finished from University, the work I have to do will weigh me down in Raro.  I need to realise that this won't happen, and the reverse (which I also fear) also will not - that I won't do ANY work.

I will build in time each day to do work, and get Sam to help and support me (even if I feel like I am being a burden).  It is important for me to do well in my recital, and to do this I need to work and prepare towards it, even while we are on holiday.  It's not the best situation, ideally I would be finished, but this is the way it is.  E (therapist/psychologist) would be proud.  How's that for some radical acceptance?

When I come back, and have got my recital over and done with, I will then start looking at the areas of my life I am going to change.  A wise fortune cookie told me once:

"Do all that you should, not all that you could."

I think these are wise words, and I need to evaluate over them what I would like to do differently in my life, whilst also recognising that there are positives that I am achieving. 

Thanks for listening,

Rachel xx