Home again

Well, home from Rarotonga.  It was a great week, although I was again cursed with ill health and spent the first three days violently ill with nausea, throwing up, and some other awful symptoms.  Thankfully it cleared up but it was incredibly frustrating and disappointing.  We had a great few days once I was better, and hopefully Sam was able to relax a bit whilst I was so sick.

I've got a week to prepare for my recital and an awful lot to do.  I've written out some lists and plans, and need to be onto it and focused over this next week.

It's going to be difficult to keep the balance of 'Island time' with getting work done, as well as wanting to catch up with friends and have some fun times.

I'll keep you posted on how I go ...

Love Rach xx

How do you choose?

There are so many things in my life I feel that I should do. 

I should ...

• Not eat gluten
• Exercise more
• Do more grounding exercises
• Do one thing at a time
• Learn to slow down
• And the list goes on ...

It's overwhelming trying to decide what to start with.  I feel like there's nothing I can do, so why should I even start?  It saddens me because I used to be (in fact, I'm sure I am still) a project planner .... I love to make goals and see them through.  But somehow I feel that I can't achieve my own goals.

We go to Rarotonga on Saturday.  I have a week to relax and wind down.  However I am also very aware that I need to finish all my work for my recital, and learn music for the Rossini opera.  I think that is weighing down on me, thinking about all that work.  I am thinking in a black and white way, thinking that because I am not fully finished from University, the work I have to do will weigh me down in Raro.  I need to realise that this won't happen, and the reverse (which I also fear) also will not - that I won't do ANY work.

I will build in time each day to do work, and get Sam to help and support me (even if I feel like I am being a burden).  It is important for me to do well in my recital, and to do this I need to work and prepare towards it, even while we are on holiday.  It's not the best situation, ideally I would be finished, but this is the way it is.  E (therapist/psychologist) would be proud.  How's that for some radical acceptance?

When I come back, and have got my recital over and done with, I will then start looking at the areas of my life I am going to change.  A wise fortune cookie told me once:

"Do all that you should, not all that you could."

I think these are wise words, and I need to evaluate over them what I would like to do differently in my life, whilst also recognising that there are positives that I am achieving. 

Thanks for listening,

Rachel xx

An Introduction

Hi, I'm Rachel, I'm 22, and I'm a ..... I'm not sure what the name is.  I am a perfectionist, I push myself too hard, and I overcommit.  

I can count the number of times my body has crashed and burnt. 

This time, it's a chest infection, but I also managed to badly burn myself yesterday with boiling water that I was steaming myself with.  My final voice recital was meant to be this Friday, but it is now postponed.

It's time to wake up and realise that my body isn't going to keep doing this.  One day, it will pack in. It already feels like it has.  I am meant to be young, energetic and sprightly, but I am exhausted.  

I hope that this blog will help me find ways to get better balance.

So, here we go.  Balance me better ....

xxx